Mainstream alarm about Mercury retrograde

The Wall Street Journal published an article that makes me want to scream: Astrology Fans Feel the Dread: Mercury is in Retrograde An Extra Time This Year (it’s behind a paywall). It was framed on Apple News as a unique astrological phenomena that you absolutely have to know about, but when I clicked on it, it was just… Mercury. Of all the things happening in the sky right now, the Wall Street Journal is focused on Mercury retrograde when it deigns to write about astrology.

Why is this happening? My theories:

• Mercury retrograde is one of the easiest astrological concepts to grasp

• The WSJ is trying to appeal to the Buzzfeed crowd

• The WSJ is kicking down at something it doesn’t really understand

According to the article, here are things people they interviewed aren’t doing because Mercury will be retrograde:

• Getting married

• Traveling

• Trading stocks

• Buying gold

• Moving

• Asking for a promotion

• Holding meetings

• Buying a house

Also, “fans”? Is this a sport now? Is someone out here cheering for Jupiter and I wasn’t aware?

What I want everyone to understand is that you have to live your life regardless of what the sky is doing. I believe that things tend to happen when they’re meant to, and if you feel like getting married, buying a whole heap of gold, or moving to a different state is the right choice for you at the time, then great, go do it, godspeed. If you have doubts, that’s what astrologers are for, but let me tell you, the ones worth your time and money will not be focusing on whether Mercury is retrograde in your chart if you’re asking about any of those big-ticket items, UNLESS Mercury is your chart ruler (meaning: unless you are Gemini or Virgo rising) or UNLESS it is retrograde in the house in your chart that would indicate trouble accomplishing the thing you are setting out to do, but it wouldn’t be the first or even the third thing I’d mention. I would instead check to see if your natal Mercury had any active transits from outer planets, which would be far more telling than whether or not Mercury is retrograde.

What I would also like to impart is the following about astrology: the slower [a celestial body] moves, the more you feel it. Mercury normally moves very quickly. When it slows down relative to earth, it is closer to earth than normal, and it is also coming between us and the sun. Think of it as a seed time for Mercury-related things rather than a harvest season, okay?

Generally, don’t get married with Neptune conjunct or in bad aspect to your sun or Venus. Don’t buy a house with Neptune transiting your moon or IC in a harsh way. If Pluto’s in your 3rd or 9th house, travel could get weird depending on how far you’re planning on going. Etc. These are far bigger and longer-lasting influences than whatever Mercury’s currently doing, as their impacts are felt for years, not weeks. The Journal found people who have decided to go on record as putting off living their lives because Mercury is retrograde. These people do not sound sane.

Two other things I would like to pick apart now: the article mentioned we have an “extra” retrograde this year, and has people traveling the day before or after the retrograde to outsmart it. Mercury’s on an 88 day tour around the sun: Mercury retrogrades happen every 3 months. 2022 just has “4” because Mercury goes retrograde for the fourth time on December 30 (seriously—two extra days of Mercury retrograde in 2022—oh the humanity). Also, dear reader, since you no doubt follow my every word and sit on the edge of your seat waiting for more words from me, you know very well that a slow-in-motion planet that is changing direction to go retrograde or go forward in the sky will be unhelpful at helping you achieve your goals, and therefore you know that traveling the day before or the day after a retrograde is basically just as risky, right? Mercury loses speed fast and picks up speed just as fast, though, so we’re talking a week or so on either end until it’s normal again.

In conclusion, dread is not the right spirit. Cautious optimism that you can live your life and handle a small amount of logistics gone sideways is the vibe we’re going for.

XO,J